Cookies are monster risks
Risk & Insurance, Dec, 2009 by Roger Crombie
I write today with great urgency, to advise you of an insidious threat to the future of mankind: the chocolate biscuit. (A biscuit is what Americans call a cookie. They call scones biscuits. And they call scones, which are pronounced “skons,” skones, but I digress.)
It looks harmless enough, the chocolate biscuit: mostly sugar, wheat flour, some embedded buttons of chocolate, yeast and a sprinkling of chemicals. Lovely; pass the packet.
But … my sources deep within the casualty insurance sector inform me that the chocolate biscuit is in reality a deadly killer. In the United Kingdom, 400 people are treated in emergency and accident wings of hospitals for biscuit-related accidents every year. I’m not making this up.
Accidents involving the deadly “chocky bicky,” as Britons have referred to the little treats for thousands of years, include “somebody falling over while reaching for a biscuit,” the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents has reported. Also, they said, a fair number of people each year “slip on a chocolate biscuit on the stairs.” And that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
I must ask, Exactly how stupid do 400 people a year have to be to end up in hospital for eating a cookie? What must the number be in the United States? Who leaves chocolate cookies or any foodstuffs for that matter, on the stairs? Jumping Jehosephat! I know that some less intelligent folk can’t eat a pretzel without almost dying but in fairness, the pretzel is a more complicated snack food.
Thousands of people a year worldwide succumb to the fatal nature of the chocky bicky and yet not a single insurance company that I have contacted sells cookie insurance. Not one. It’s an outrage
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