Miss Manners: Stay out of other people's finances
0 Comments | Oakland Tribune, Oct 30, 2009 | by Miss Manners by Judith Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A married couple, both good friends, are going through a rough time financially. Together, they made some bad decisions that led to their current financial situation; those decisions originated with her.
She periodically writes about her financial difficulties in her weblog, which I read. She also writes frequently about things such as new purchases, and her husband getting angry with her for buying more.
They’re both deeply distressed by their situation. Unfortunately, she seems to use “retail therapy” to relieve her discomfort. My friends are both unhappy, and her coping mechanism makes the problem worse.
I am distressed by my friends’ pain, and by the fact that my bright friend seems to ignore the connection between spending and debt.
I see two opposing choices: Be polite and keep quiet, or be caring and suggest a debt counselor. Is there a middle ground? Is it possible to offer unrequested advice without being offensive?
I do see the irony of requesting advice about unrequested advice.
Gentle Reader: You might also take a look at the irony, or rather the futility, of advising people who overspend that they would be better off financially if they spent less. Few reply, “Thank you, best ira investment I hadn’t thought of that; I’ll try it.”
True, you are suggesting that your friends buy this advice, presumably along with specific suggestions for cutting down. Some people do shape up when they are charged for being told.
But Miss Manners notices that your friend does not make such connections. And her husband already has critiqued her expenditures for free
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